what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
