dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
