His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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