so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
