Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
