We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
