he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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