i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
