Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
