come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
