I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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