3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I touched a dick in church today
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
