Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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