That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
