I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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