Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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