I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
