just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
