I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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