I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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