Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
