dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
