Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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