My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
