I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
