Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
