i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
