Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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