My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
