I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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