Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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