Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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