In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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