If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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