Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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