could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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