Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
