So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
