so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
