Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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