I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
