youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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