Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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