We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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