So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
