There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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