if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
