i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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