Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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