So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
