you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
