When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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