I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Duck Duck Cougar?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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