If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
