im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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