I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
