Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
