I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
