Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
