The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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