I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Houston, we have a blender
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
